Davethedealer

Obama devours Apple

2010-02-08T10:24:51Z

So, Apple's latest übercool aspirational wowbox is finally here. Whoop-de-doo.

The device happened to be launched on the same day as Barack Obama's
first State of the Union address and research from tech review site Retrevo tracked the online buzz surrounding both of the events.

The president will doubtless be utterly unmoved by the fact that his landmark speech attracted a peak of 9,000 Tweets per minute, some 1,600 ahead of Steve Jobs' iPad oration. Apparently.

In any case, both can afford to cock a snook at Britney Spears, who was barely breaking double figures at the time. Pah! My recent webinar (Zebras or Elephants? Strategising growth in the Cloud Savanna) attracted an impressive 27.

And counting.

Keyboard slips sink ships

2010-02-05T14:38:52Z

I was (not massively) shocked to learn this week that MoD secrets have been leaked on social networking sites 16 times in the past 18 months.

A freedom of information request from public relations firm Lewis PR also discovered that, over the period in question, 10 military personnel were busted for misusing the sites.

Mikko Hypponen, chief research officer at vendor F-Secure and internet security doyen, expressed his consternation at the news. "Loose tweets can cost lives," he mused.

They can also bag you a career-rejuvenating £10m move to Sunderland, but it's horses for courses, I suppose.

Northern fights

2010-02-04T15:08:30Z

Having followed my beloved Orient up and down the country, I've lost count of the times burly northerners in short sleeves have given us stick for being southern softies. (Or words to that effect.)

So I was amused to learn this week that northern lads are really mummy's boys at heart. Research from comparison site rightmobilephone.co.uk finds almost 60 per cent of the time Mancunian fellas spend on the phone is devoted to mother, dearest.

Leeds and Newcastle completed the top three, while hard-hearted chaps in Glasgow, Luton, Coventry, Oxford and Cardiff use much less than 10 per cent of their precious minutes on their ma.

This is handy stuff. Next time the Os head up to Elland Road, I'll ingratiate myself with the locals with a bit of good-natured banter about their mothers.

No cape fear

2010-02-02T16:47:10Z

I was intrigued to read this week that IT workers up and down the land are prone to "Superman Syndrome".

Activity day specialist intotheblue.co.uk has revealed that IT professionals are more likely than any other profession to book themselves in for the site's most high-octane, adrenaline-fuelled adventure fests such as paintballing, spy games and "survival experiences". Take it to the max, fellas! Totally, totally awesome.

Apparently, techies are also the biggest fans of videogames, with the most popular genre being first-person shooters. Rob Holmes, intotheblue.co.uk's marketing manager, defined Superman Syndrome thus: "By day, UK workers are mild-mannered employees, but outside work, they take on a new, more adventurous persona."

He added that many IT bods, in particular, were in sore need of a little after-hours excitement.

He said: "There is a correlation between workers who are more sedentary throughout the day and those most likely to book more active experience days outside of work."

I must say this comes as a shock. If only my techies were half as active during office hours. Maybe if I let them wear fatigues and carry walkie-talkies...

Extreme cleaning

2010-02-01T17:57:31Z

Last week I was delighted to come across more pioneering research from everyone's favourite publicity-shy security vendor, Credant Technologies.

Apparently, during the past year, UK dry cleaners have stumbled upon 4,500 memory sticks which have been left in people's pockets. Credant has its knickers in a right twist, as businesses could soon be hung out to dry if absent-minded employees compromise
customer data.

It seems the Information Commissioner's Office is no longer all mouth and trousers and is to be given the power to fine companies £500,000. Well, no one wants their dirty laundry aired in public.

Credant's chief marketing officer Sean Glynn urged firms to avoid getting taken to the cleaners. (OK, that's enough now.)

"If sensitive or valuable data is being carried, people should protect it with encryption," he opined.

Too true, Sean - if only there were a company offering some kind of encryption solution!

A swine romance?

2010-01-27T12:23:23Z

With my wallet and my waistline still struggling to recover from Christmas, I'm dismayed to report that I'm already fretting about Valentine's Day.

The nauseating annual merry-go-round of insincerity, tat and quiet desperation is less than three weeks away and I've been suffering from a paucity of ideas as to what to do for Her Indoors.

That is until I read the inspirational story of 67 year-old Iowan farmer Dick Kleis who, on his wife's recent birthday, presented her with a load of crap. About 50 tonnes of the stuff, in fact.

The resourceful chap used liquid manure to spell out the words 'HAP B DAY LUV U' in giant letters outside the couple's home. Kleis was apparently inspired by a friend who counselled him to 'do something you're good at'.

Sound advice, that. So I've set up a Cayman Islands holding company, named in my beloved's honour. I can't wait to see the look on her face.

Game over

2010-01-25T14:54:03Z

I learned this week that almost one in five women have ended a relationship because of their other half's gaming or internet habits, (hmm, what habits might those be, I wonder?)

Website myvouchercodes.co.uk quizzed 1,823 UK residents, and four-fifths of the fairer sex revealed their partner dedicated more time to games and the internet than they were happy with.

About 70 per cent claimed the problem has led to verbals, with war-based shoot 'em-up series Call of Duty causing the most arguments.

This brings up painful memories for me, Dear Reader, as my first girlfriend dumped me due to my Pac-Man addiction. I got it down to four hours a day - surely she could have met me halfway?

All you can eat Buffett

2010-01-21T15:45:00Z

Criticisms of Cadbury and Kraft's culinary confluence have been coming thick and fast this week.

Perhaps understandably, misgivings are rife about a blue riband UK brand being subsumed by a foreign corporate monolith. Some onlookers have been up in arms about the quality of American confectionery, others are concerned by Kraft's debt levels and more still are worried by potential job losses.

The blogosphere (shudder) has been awash with a strange mix of profit margins, Fruit & Nut and the West Midlands jobs market. One outraged channel Brummie took the news particularly badly, and reacted by saying: "That is the end of Cadbury as we know it."

So today I was intrigued to read the US' very own business doyen has expressed his disapproval of the deal. Warren Buffett, world-famous investaholic and the Jimmy White of the Forbes 400, has claimed he would veto the merger, given the chance.

Buffett's firm Berkshire Hathaway owns 9.4 per cent of Kraft, and the Omaha Oracle is clearly not particularly sweet-toothed. Buffett, whose net worth was recently placed at $40bn, seemed especially irked that Kraft sold off its frozen pizza business to help pay for the chocolatier, saying "I feel poorer".

Don't be blue, Warren - the rest of us can only dream of being that poor. And you can always do what Her Indoors does when she's down in the dumps: curl up on the sofa with a big bar of Dairy Milk.

Now it's good for you!

2010-01-19T11:24:11Z

Using a mobile phone can help prevent Alzheimers, research has claimed. For years we have all been warned about using our phones too much because of all the dangerous radiation etc leaking into our skulls.

That and all the Nimbys (Not In My Back Yard) protesting at any nasty phone masts that may spring up in their general direction. I'll bet that cardigan brigade will change their tune once they read this research.

Now scientists are claiming more bouts of shouting "Hello? I'm on the train" or "Hello, I'm in the supermarket", could actually be good for us. In fact it makes me want to call someone right now, just for the hell of it. Now where did I put my phone?

Chillax, it's only snow

2010-01-19T11:19:10Z

Has anyone noticed it has been rather cold around here recently? I have to say it has been difficult to find out weather reports on all the national news stations and web sites for the past couple of weeks.

Seriously Dear Reader, I hope you have not been too badly affected by the Big Freeze, coldest winter for 100 years etc....I like to think I'm a caring type of boss, so I told my Dodgi lot that they didn't have to come into the office if it was too dangerous, but they may not have a job to come back to if they stay away too long (JOKE).

The bunch of troopers that they all are - all of them battled through the blizzards to make it in. Bless. Now that is dedication. I had absolutely no problems getting in and it is nothing to do with living just a stone's throw away from the office. At least no one is making fun of my Chelsea Tractor now.

Visual overload

2010-01-19T11:16:13Z

Excited chatter at the CES show in Las Vegas this month was all about 3D-TV which is being hailed as the saviour technology for hard pressed manufacturers. I remember being a lot younger and donning those ridiculous looking red and blue 3d glasses to watch a Jaws 3D film at my local cinema. It was amazing and revolutionary and a load of us kept hold of the glasses, even though we had absolutely no use for them. I can understand why consumers would go mad over owning the technology themselves. However, judging by all the rubbish Her Indoors watches on an evening - the thought of seeing Deirdre Barlow or Peggy Mitchell jumping out of our 42-inch plasma in 3D glory, actually fills me with dread.

And so this is Christmas

2009-12-18T17:59:55Z

As rubbish as Christmas is, (which is very), I'm sure we all appreciate the chance to wind down and bid good riddance to an absolute dog of a year.

It's been a rollercoaster ride of downs, downs and deeper-and-downs, but let's raise a glass to those who've emerged smelling of roses. Or at least smelling salts and oil of wintergreen.

People have asked me where I'm going to put my money next year; I'm increasingly tempted to jack it in and take the Ken Dodd approach to accountancy.

But the channel's always been like the Mafia - the sharp suits, trophy women, rampant machismo and casual violence. And, just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!
Bottoms up, everyone - here's to a disgustingly lucrative 2010!

Happy Christmas one and all!

Sticky Wiki

2009-12-16T13:09:08Z

After many years penning this column, I consider myself a proper journo. So I couldn't help but be horrified upon learning that Wikipedia's future could be in jeopardy as it haemorrhages editors at an alarming rate.

A study from Madrid's Universidad Rey Juan Carlos claims the site lost 49,000 contributors in 2009's opening quarter, 10 times the 2008 figure. But the Fourth Estate can relax - the site claims numbers are falling because it is engaging with a select band of experts.

About time too. And, with my journalistic credentials, I'm a shoo-in to edit the pages on Leyton Orient, virtualised datacentres and jazz tap.

Coulda been a contender

2009-12-15T16:05:01Z

I recently met a prospective vendor for lunch; I admired the products, liked the margins, was keen on the support - and the goats' cheese soufflé was top notch. But the deal-breaker was hearing about one executive's all-too-brief career as an attacking midfielder.

I can't help it, Dear Reader; as a lifelong fanatic with two left feet, I get all star-struck when I meet someone with serious football credentials.

This chap was a rising star in the youth setup of his home country's most decorated club before an injury sustained during a stint in the army curtailed his sporting ambitions.

I didn't ask, but I'm quite sure rolling out a new channel programme is every bit as thrilling as lifting the league title with your hometown club. Ahem.

Ash in hand

2009-12-15T14:39:05Z

Last month I wrote about the Rick Astley-themed ikee worm, the first such programme to infect the iPhone. Its author, 21 year-old Ashley Towns, has since landed himself a job at app developer mogeneration. All legit, like.

But Rob Cotton, chief of security firm NCC Group, said: "This company is sending out a message that unethical behaviour can be rewarded."

While Sophos senior technology consultant Graham Cluley added: "utterly irresponsible behaviour appears to have been rewarded."

I don't know, fellas; when it comes to recruitment, I'm from the "if you can't beat them, neuter them" school of thought. I hired Gordon after I caught him telling all about Dodgi's inventive use of the phrase "ongoing support contract".