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Cor blimey guv'nor
Dave Jnr has finally got to grips with his London roots after I bought him a cockney rhyming slang dictionary for his birthday. He had become obsessed with the Cockney rhyming slang website and I thought a book would be easier for him to carry around than his PC. The mini diamond geezer has gotten so 'Robin Hood' at it that I've employed him at Dodgi for his summer holidays. Soon he'll earn me enough 'bread and honey' to pay for a two week holiday with the old 'trouble and strife.'
Times Change
Talking of university, when I was a student just before the wheel was invented - cow-tipping was just as essential part of the evening's entertainment as a take-away after the pub. How we laughed as we pushed those bovines over in their sleep. Now I hear that farmers have begun putting RFID chips into cows to stop students tipping or nicking them. I think the idea is 'udderly' terrific, but I bet it won’t lead to cheaper burgers or a fresher smelling countryside.
University Challenge
Dave Jnr is safe, then – Oxford University claims it is going to turn away child prodigies from now on. I reckon it’s pretty good news, really; for a start, they won’t be made to drink beer by the other freshers, and it’ll probably do the smart kids good to get jobs instead of mucking around at university trying beer and drugs and watching daytime telly. Instead, I’m going to hire them for peanuts. They think they are earning a crust (literally) and I can still get my daily dose of Trisha and spend the rest of my spare time down the Dog & Duck. That way, everyone's a winner, particularly me.
Piece of P***
When a distributor called last week trying to offload 20 cases of urine powered batteries, I really thought someone was taking the Pee. But it turns out some Singapore-based eggheads invented them as a cheap healthcare test kit for diseases. I've bought a couple and after I come back from the Dog and Duck at lunchtime, I'm going to test them out in Shirl's wireless mouse. However, I'd advise not to use them on a hot day 'cause it can get a little whiffy...
